Someone I work with "came out" a few weeks ago--generally there is nothing so unusual about this...I know lots of gay people and people come out to their family, friends and coworkers every day. What was a little unusual about it this time is that the person who came out was one of the store managers who is 38 years old with a wife (or soon-to-be ex-wife) and 2 kids.
My first reaction was, "I knew it!" I remember when I first met him. He said hello, introduced himself and I thought to myself, "This guy is gay." (Not that there's anything wrong with that). Not that he's flaming gay or anything but let's just say that he definitely has certain "mannerisms". Then I was there for a few weeks and got to know him. I noticed his wedding ring and learned that he was married with two young kids--so I just figured I was wrong.
I don't know him very well beyond working with him once or twice a week but his situation got me thinking. On one hand I felt sort of sad for him that he went on that long feeling like he couldn't truly be himself. One the other hand I'm happy for him. He told someone he has known he was gay since he was 16. For whatever reason he felt like he couldn't let people know about that part of himself. So I feel like he did what he thought was expected of him--he met a girl, got married to her, had a few kids and lived in the suburbs with a minivan. He lived that life for a long time and finally decided it was time to be honest with himself and the other people in his life. Now he says he feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders and that he's much happier. He's out there now (pun sort of intended) and dating and going out with friends prowling for cute guys. So I'm really glad that everything worked out for him.
On the other hand marrying someone and starting a family with someone is one of the biggest commitments you can make. Marrying someone when you know you are gay seems sort of selfish to me--not to mention delusional. I really believe being gay isn't a choice it's a part of you who you are--like your height or your eye color. It's a part of your genetic makeup. So if he knew he was gay when he was 16 did he honestly think getting married would make those feelings just magically go away? And once he did decide to get married his decisions didn't just effect him anymore. Now they effected his wife and his young kids. And then I thought about his wife for a minute. I felt bad for her--of course I did. But come on lady--I shook hands with your husband the first time I met him and I knew he was gay. You were with him for how long and it never crossed your mind that your man might like other men? Really?
I'm glad he found his happiness and I hope this story has a happy ending for everyone involved. I'm sure there are a lot of hurt feelings and confusion right now but I hope things get easier for him, his wife and his kids.
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